“Come back here, you rascal!” I yelled. My wretched traveling companion, the Halfling Iggle Miffkins, ignored me, continuing to chase after the mountain goat. Wretched Ipah!
I quickened my steps. Iliva, the Elven maiden I was- had been betrothed to, could wait, but…
I finally caught up to Iggle Miffkins at the edge of a cave. Grabbing him by the scruff of his neck, I held him up where I could see him, his feet dangling almost a span off the ground.
“I am going to the Elven Home,” I told him, “with or without you. Are you going to chase that goat, or come with me?” For a moment, I wondered why I hadn’t just gone off without him- the thing was the bane of my existence!- but it was too late now.
“I… I’ll come, Tulomon,” he said sullenly in his high-pitched, squeaky voice. “Will you put me down now? It’s hard to breathe.” Giving him a good shake, so he wouldn’t forget to obey, I obliged. “There’s that goat!” Iggle Miffkins was off like a shot. Growling, I followed. “C’mere, goat! Are you going to take me on an adventure? Please?” The goat leapt away; it clearly had more brains and a greater sense of self-preservation that I. “Please? I’ll ask nicely! Pretty please, with a berry on-” Iggle Miffkins tripped. The goat took the moment to dash into a cave. I took the moment to grab Iggle Miffkins by the curly blonde hair on his fluff-brained head.
“Now see here-” I began. But then I was interrupted.
By a rockslide.
I jumped into the cave, and Iggle Miffkins followed. I briefly contemplated tossing him back out among the sharp-edged boulders, but no, that was murder, and I could not condone killing. I still had nightmares about murdering a goblin.
Finally, the rockslide stopped. But our exit was blocked. Wretched Ipah! It was all his fault! If he hadn’t chased after that goat… Taking a few- many- deep breaths, I calmed myself down. This was no time to panic… I had to think clearly. I couldn’t leave by the same way I’d entered, but as an elf, I doubted I’d survive being in a cave long. So I did the only thing I could do; I went further in. Regrettably, Iggle Miffkins followed.
It was dark. Very dark. Time lost all meaning in that endless black oblivion. We traveled on- for how long, I do not know- hearing only the steady drip-drip of water and our own footsteps.
Until the goblins.
I didn’t like goblins. I never have, and I never will. Some say they were once Elves, twisted by dark magics. I do not know if this is true, but I would dislike them regardless; they pillage, burn, and kill without cause or reason. And they are a reminder of the time I killed.
I awoke one morning- or what I called morning, as it was after I’d slept- to a crude goblin spear at my throat. From Iggle Miffkins’s giggling, I surmised he’d met a similar fate. I’d already spent a fitful night, dreaming of Iliva and dead goblins; the spear at my throat was too much. I blacked out.
When I awoke again, I immediately wished I hadn’t. I had a headache. The goblins smelled. I hadn’t eaten in a while, and so was hungry. Iggle Miffkins was giggling. My hands were bound too tightly, and going numb. My feet were in a similar predicament. My hair was dirty, sweaty, and sticking to my scalp in a most unpleasant manner. Worst of all, I could think clearly, and thinking brought chestnut hair and accusing green eyes…
“Nich! Th’ tree-‘ugger’s ‘wake!” It took a moment to translate- the goblins spoke a twisted form of Elven. I guessed I was the ‘tree-hugger’.
“Say wha’?”
“Th’ tree-‘ugger’s ‘wake. Wha’ll we do?”
“Club ‘im ov’r th’ ‘ead. An’ th’ giggler too, while yer at it.”
My captor pulled out put me on the ground and pulled a cudgel out of his belt. “No! Wait!” I struggled to stand. And failed. “I… I follow the Dark Lord, like you!”
“Filthy tree-‘ugger!” If I’d been standing, the goblin’s slap would have knocked me over. “Yer type don’ f’llow th’ Lord!” Turning to his companion- Nich- he asked, “Cen I kill ‘im?”
“Nah. Th’ boss’ll wanna see ‘im.”
“Cen I cut ‘is tongue ou’?”
“Nah. Th’ boss’ll wanna ‘ear ‘is squealin’.”
“I do follow the Dark Lord!” I cut in. “I’m… I’m a Dark Elf.” My voice cracked as I said it. It was one thing to perform dark rituals, another to admit to being against the basis of Elven society. “I have sworn to follow the Dark Lord! Believe me!”
My captor looked dubious, but nodded slowly. Speaking slowly, and enunciating- or trying to- he said, “I s’ppose ya could talk t’ th’ Boss. ‘E’ll ‘ear yer story, an’ mayhap ‘e’ll believe ya.” He picked me back up, and flung me over his shoulder.
I was worried. I was alright for now, and this Boss might believe me, but if they learned I’d killed a goblin…
We- or rather, the goblins- walked for a while- I’d guess about an hour, but it was hard to tell without the glorious sun- until we arrived at a large underground river. A flat-bottomed boat got us across, to a place where two large stone doors blocked our path. Nich put ‘th’ giggler’- an apt name, I might add- down, and he and my captor went inside, then returned several minutes later.
“I tol’ th’ Boss ‘bou’ ya, an’ ‘e said ‘e don’ believe ya, an’ me ‘n Lik ‘ere are ta kill ya.” Nich leapt at me, my captor, Lik, not far behind.
Startled, I stepped aside. Nich, who, while smart for a goblin, was still incredibly stupid, crashed into the solid rock wall behind me. I heard a sickening crunch as blood poured from a dent in his skull. I vomited. My hand had not caused the goblin’s death, but it was my fault all the same. Horrified, I stared at the dead body.
“Come on!” Iggle Miffkins tugged at my sleeve. More goblins rushed forward towards us. I grabbed the wretched Ipah- why was I saving him?- and jumped into the river, which carried us swiftly away.
We were safe.
The river carried us out of the mountain, for which I was grateful. Even better, I could see the Dark Forest. Well, I could see it once I was out of the river, which had regrettably ended in a small waterfall, before meeting up with the Holy River.
Exhausted as we were, we quickly got out of the water and ran. Goblins may be stupid, but they were swift runners, and they would no doubt want to pursue and kill us. Dying was not something I wanted to do, although after what I’d done to Iliva, I deserved it.
Finally, too fatigued to continue, we collapsed to the ground. I was asleep within seconds.
“Another one?” Her green eyes seemed to pear into my soul. “I thought you ere an Elf. Life is precious, Tulomon. You should treasure it. Like you said you’d treasure me!”
“I still do, Iliva-“
“Don’t speak my name! You defile it, you… murderer!” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “How could you?” Two goblins stood behind her. Both had accusing green eyes.
“Murderer!”
I awoke with a gasp. I almost regretted waking. But the sun was rising. The glorious sun.
“You’re up?” Iggle Miffkins was smiling. Wretched Ipah! “I made breakfast!” Maybe not so wretched. “Do you like berries? I hope so. I remember Mother saying berries make a healthy but tasty breakfast. Where are we?”
I popped a blackberry into my mouth. Blackberries. I had been serving them, the day I proposed. I loved blackberries. “I think these are the Snake’s Run Mountains.” I looked the other way. “That must be the Maelthra Plains.”
“You’re right! Can we go say hello to my mother? Just for a bit? She’ll be worrying about me. Then we can go see Iliva.”
“How do you know that name?” I asked, surprised. Had I ever told Iggle Miffkins…?
The Ipah shifted uncomfortably. “You say her name sometimes. When you sleep. Is she pretty? Why are her eyes accusing? Who is she?”
“She’s… an Elven Maiden.”
“Do you love her? Is that why you’re always dreaming of her?”
The Ipah looked so much like the children Iliva loved, with his wondering blue eyes gazing up at me, that I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, Iggle Miffkins, I love her. And we can go see your-”
“Is that a tribesman? I bet he’s on an adventure!”
I dove for the Ipah and missed. Wretched Ipah! Going after a barbarian warrior was a good way to get killed! I ought to…
I don’t know what I ought to have done, but I ought to have done it before the adventure started!